Watch Out! I need to vent, or cry, probably both...

TMI warning! Turn back now!!

I started my period today, and I want to cry.  Why?  Because that means no June baby like what I was hoping and praying for.  And because it makes me worry if there is something wrong with me - cause we tried to conceive this past month ya'll, we tried - but it's probably just my timing off...  However, it still makes me want to worry.

This means no father's day present for Michael... more time waiting to tell Beth she's going to be a big sis... I'm just... ugh! SAD!  I want to be pregnant; I want to get fat; I want to be naseous... I can't believe I'm typing all this...

Then I think, "Hey, this is your first month trying!  Give yourself a break!  Not many conceive on the first try! You're body is still getting back to normal!"  *sigh*  I know all that, but it doesn't make me feel any better.  I really wanted a BFP this next weekend.

Hubby's not to sad about it - for obvious reasons ;-) - you can bet when this period is over we'll... well, you know.  He's trusting in God.  I should be too, and I do... I do...

I just can't help feeling sad, so I will go home and eat a lot of Ben and Jerry's ice cream tonight - because that's tradition when I'm on my period.  And I'll plot and plan our next TTC run. And the waiting game begins again - again.

Haven't I said before that I hate waiting?

There's more I could vent about... like how my job and I are having a love/hate relationship right now... like about how I'm on the verge of giving up the speech team... like how I want more time for my house, my girl, my husband, my church, my family, my friends...

But we'll save that for another blog entry, and another pint of Ben and Jerry's.


  1. Jaime, I'm sorry to hear this, I know you were so hoping for this. I could say all the random ramblings of a hopeless optimistic, but knowing (after 4 years of infertility) the uselessness of words, I'll say just this: love you friend, and I'm praying for you guys.

    I also want to mention that I'm nominating you for a blog award!

  2. I'm sorry too! I know how much it sucks especially those first few tries right after a loss. Keep your head up! And I hate that I missed the bible study last night...I will definitely catch up with you ladies next week!

  3. So sorry to hear that Jamie. Hope it will happen soon for you. I know I'll be the same way when we start trying again.

  4. I'm so sorry. I know how hard waiting can be. Its probably the not knowing that is the worst. I kept feeling like I could be patient as long as I knew that the outcome would be a baby. There is probably nothing wrong. I think you have a 25% chance of getting pregnant each month you try. I'm praying for you.

  5. Jaime - sorry for the bad news :( That's a bummer. I dread trying again because of those disappointments but I will try again as soon as I can because I want to be pregnant just as bad as the rest of us. And as the pp noted you have a 25% chance every month. Sucks that it's so low :(
    Thanks for your sweet blog comments - you are a blessing to know (((hugs))) and much love to you <3

  6. Okay, so I am going to poo poo on the 25% chance thing, sorry girls. I gave up on statistics a LONG time ago, as I had decide that I was just that, a statistic. Well, lets just say that I beat the stat's! And you will too :)

    The waiting is the hardest part, but oh so wonderful when things come to fruition. Hang in there....I remember our first try and that BFN, I was crushed, but we kept on trying :)

    Praying for you always


  7. ((hugs)) to you, doll. I'm going to come and find you tomorrow to talk, okay?! Cool. ((hugs))

  8. I'm praying for God to bless you with a new little life inside you too. I imagine the waiting is agony after going through a loss. It's hard to trust in God sometimes, but at least you are trying, right? =)